i am back from tioman le !!!

it was a nice get away from sg.. life there was slow paced n stress free.. things there were cheap.. especially the beers.. lol.. its a pity the four of us didnt bring along any cameras.. only had the hp to play around..

Friday was off day for mi.. woke up early and went over to bugis to pray with dear.. after which we went shopping for my bag.. bcos i cant find any bags at home big enough to carry all my stuffs.. went over to dear's place and started packing all my stuffs.. did our assessment.. then we rushed down to SSI..

The trip there was long n boring.. 3 hours of bus trip plus 4 hours of boat ride.. we reached tioman in the wee hours where everyone was soundly aslp.. barely catching 2 hrs' of slp.. we woke up n prepared for our first open water dive ! The first few dives were ok.. bcos basically we were just recapping all the 7 basic skills under water..

the whole day ended around 9 plus.. n we headed for dinner plus our theory test.. lol.. basicalli the instructors just closed both eyes haha..

woke up around 8 plus on sunday.. and we set off for our 3rd and 4th dive.. these 2 dives are considered leisure dives.. thus we got to see alot of things ! its quite scary to see all the sea urchins underneath and on the walls of the jetty.. and we get to feed all the fishes... its so nice to have a large school of them swimming all around u.. heee..

The last dive was interesting.. i saw a cuttlefish.. and clownfish.. on the way up.. i was jellyfishes too !! but its scary.. cos they are poisonous.. and we saw a very very huge jellyfish which look like the Portuguese Man-of-War.. scary.. likely we were all on board already..

We had a quick lunch and headed back to sg.. reached here around 9 plus... i went back to dear's place... and ko...

All in all.. it was a good experience.. though i was disappointed with tioman.. its too commercialised.. not as nice as i expected.. but I do love the feeling underwater.. cant wait to go for another diving trip! hee..

alright.. as promised.. i will try to update more if possible..

work life was as usual hectic.. though i was on afternoon shift the last week.. there were stil plenty of things to be done from the morning shift.. and pre-tests kept coming in.. kinda stress mi up.. but no worries.. i stil can take it !!

after tt previous entry.. i sat down n thought about it for almost a week.. i know its all up to me to maintain this r/s.. bcos right now, i am really able to sense his sincerity in wanting to change.. and all the more i should reciprocate since i decided to give him another chance..

Friday after work i went down to peiqi's place.. mi, spencer, wee, jr and cindy stayed over there.. the next morning spenc n wee accompanied me home to get my stuffs before heading down to lucas' place cos wee wee wanted to get his blades..
we met up wif rh at holland for breakfast before going down.. and i fell aslp at his place..
dinner was at toa payoh's sakura restaurant with my colleagues.. wasnt really tt nice.. after which we went down to orchard for some k-session..
i left halfway to meet up wif char n pax to momo.. so i called him down too.. since he's a frequent there.. But i left early.. cos i was feeling really tired after the non-stop playing..

tt silly boi ran all the way out in a high state.. lol.. somehow the words that he said really melted mi.. alright.. shall not elaborate further..

n sunday was blading at east coast ! i think i am gonna get my own blades next mth.. lol.. everyone in the grp got theirs alreadi! pui!

alright.. happi national day in advance! =)

Its been a long long long time since i finalli sat down in front of the computer and put some updates into my blog..

These few mths are rather busy.. or should i say.. i will be having this kind of lifestyle for some time.. to be frank.. sometimes i just feel that working really make mi drift away from my frens.. i no longer have enough time to meet up wif frens.. bcos most of the time i spend resting.. my work is tiring.. i dont deny it.. But i am happy with my colleagues and my area of work.. in fact i feel that its such a bless to be working there..

On the other hand, things dont seem to be good for mi and him.. or mayb why i like working.. bcos it just takes my mind of him.. I know i have a trust issue with him.. its difficult to even believe in wat he says sometimes.. I have been hurt before, so naturally i will keep my defence up against him.. its sad to say this way.. but its really the truth.

Sometimes just thinking of him makes my heart sour.. I no longer have the beautiful images in my mind.. its polluted with all the unpleasant memories.. So much as i wanna give him another chance, i think my mind just doesnt allow for it.. I talked with one of my colleagues abt wat i am facing.. She's alot way older than mi.. n has definitely more life experience than mi.. all the things she told mi are some wat true..

I just feel all guys cant be trusted..
I am skeptical towards anything to do with them..

long long time since i blogged..

its the busy few weeks of afternoon and night shifts.. i am so suay can.. haiz.. everyone is going redang.. i so wanted to go.. but i just cant.. hiak hiak.. nvm.. i shall go take my driving cert and go driving at different places ! thats even more shiok! haha..

my mom went to hk for holiday today... arghhh... and seriously, i kind of miss her ! well.. i just hope she has fun and just take her mind of all the household stuffs...

ok.. nothing much fantastic abt my life worth mentioning here..
i am just basicalli slogging hard for my frickin company.. and of cos at the same time having fun there.. =)

heee... now i can slack all the way till 3 plus then go work.. how shuang.. haha.. last sat i was called in for work.. n i worked ot wif ah k.. till 5... both of us was so shag out le...

i went home.. barely catching an hour's rest.. went out to meet up wif joanna to brian's place.. played mj wif them.. then brian's fren fetch mi home.. the moment i reached home.. i ko...

sunday was supposed to go blading.. but was cancelled in the end.. beng came over to find mi.. n acc mi to bugis for shopping ! yeay! i bought alot of stuffs.. a dress, 2 tops, a billabong bikini, ear rings and a new purse.. dinner was at fish & co. with jr, wee, peiqi, lingzi, jerm, cindy, edward and peisun.. along the way was photo taking session.. haha.. i think we just went mad over peiqi's camera.. haha...

i think i shall just post some random photos..
at coffee bean..















on the way to fish&co...

at fish & co...

afternoon shift this week... booo... last week wif rebec... haiz... starting 1st of july i wont be having the same shift wif her... oh god.. i m so sad..

everyday was practically fussing over wat to eat for dinner.. haha.. n i think i ate alot of subways this week.. but it stil taste veri nice haha..

my colleagues pop a question for mi..
if there are two guys.. one veri rich with poor character.. one veri poor but with good character.. which one will i choose?
haha.. seriously i dont know.. but they told mi to choose the one that is rich with poor character..
bcos even guys with good character will bound to change.. only money will not change..
omg.. i nearly fainted when i heard their ans.. but somehow or rather its true la.. muahahha..

ytd night after work.. i went down to zouk.. met up wif jr, his fren, wee, peiqi, her fren n lucas outside.. went in to look for rh n his fren.. the music was not bad tt night.. n the crowd was ok.. n we 3 girls managed to get onto the platform.. i was quite turn off by a girl on the platform.. she started to dirty dance wif mi.. -_-

ok... things happened there again.. i felt his hug after these few mths.. i can feel that he is trying to be close to mi.. i admit i am starting to get playful once again.. i know i just wanna go out play.. but nevertheless, i know i stil have feelings for him.. i melted when he hug mi..

went over his place after tt.. cos his place nearer.. n i ko till this morning.. just in time to go to work..

i keep asking myself if i am doing the right thing..
if this r/s really deserve another chance..
i know i am scared to open myself up to him again..
i know i am tired.. too tired to do anything..
but yet.. my heart is stil with him... damn....

lastly.. my ITS colleagues at east coast ! all drenched wet from the rain.. heee..

Long time since i updated.. cant really remember wat i did for the past few weeks..

I was on morning shift for the past week.. nothing really much happened.. But i think basically i was out for the whole week..

Monday was ot for mi..

Tuesday i went to play pool with my colleagues..

Wednesday was also pool with them.. After which, i went down to town to meet up with lingzi and lyn.. ha! always fun meeting wif the girls.. three of us were shopping n gossiping.. after which, we went down to zouk to meet up with rh, wee, peiqi, cindy, lucas n rh's fren.. alright, the crowd sucks tt night.. too many ppl.. no chance to even get on the platform.. it sucks alright.. i slept less than 2 hrs..

Thursday was a tiring day for mi.. but i stil managed to keep myself alive.. haha.. after work i wanted to go home n rest.. but end up i went bugis shopping with peiqi, jr, rh, wee, spenc, hanz n lingzi.. so mani things i wanna buy!! when i get my pay.. i want to go there shopping !! haha.. after which, we went for a drink at breko.. by the time i reach home it was veri veri late alreadi.. i slept less than 4 hrs.. -_-

Friday, i nearly die at work.. cos i was super tired.. supposed to meet up wif the spenc they all.. but i was too tired... went lot 1 to wait for lucas cos i wanted to get the tent from him.. i was walking round in circles n circles.. decided to sit down at the mrt station to wait for him.. n i actualli fell aslp waiting there.. haha.. we went for dinner n he sent mi home..

Saturday was super slack day at work.. haha.. after which, we went down to tiong bahru to meet up wif jane n have our lunch.. macdonalds !! hee.. i love the curly fries.. took a cab down to east coast cos we going there camping !! idiot lo.. thru out the whole thing, it was raining.. n we bo bian had to stay in the tent.. went night cycling wif rebec.. it was so fun! haha..

Sunday.. since it was raining non stop.. we decided to call it off early.. n i had no where to go !! cos spenc they all were coming over in the afternoon to look for mi.. so i called spen n jr waking both of them up.. haha.. end up i went over to jr place n have a shower.. rh and wee came over n we played mj.. then jerm, peiqi, peisun, edward n lucas came over.. slacked till evening time.. then suddenly all so enthu wanna go blade.. so yea.. i went back to east coast again.. faint..
i took a bike.. n we went to the hawker centre to pig out.. simply delicious can !! wheee...

nice week.. but tiring.. my energy is draining out soon haha.... =)

i m sick today agaain...

went to the docs... he said i have low blood...

n the virus attack was worse than before.. i need alot of rest..

but yet.. my mind is running non-stop.. it doesnt allows mi to rest..


whole day chit-chatting wif rh n wee.. although toking to them sometimes make my blood boil.. but its stil nice to have them beside mi.. =)

rh said i am getting more n more petty now a days.. i know myself.. n i think i realli got to change.. he said it could be due to lucas, tts why i behave tt way.. i dont wan to pin point but i think i should curb my temper for my own good..

n recently, although i am able to deliver good results at work.. ppl are saying i always look in a daze.. strange to say.. i am realli concentrating.. but somehow my mind is drifting away.. i have nv experience such things before.. n i think its scary lehz..

i think its time i really take a good rest from everything.. how i wish i can go into isolation mode.. but i just dont have the heart to throw away my mom, frens and colleagues..

sometimes i just feel that life is being unfair to mi.. i know ppl are facing much worse situation than mi.. but then there are ppl who have everything nice n proper in their life.. sometimes i realli feel like giving up.. u know wat tt means.. but often i told myself.. if there's the way it is.. i will face it bravely.. bcos i always believe that there is bound to be rainbow after the rain..

ppl always ask why am i being so positive.. but they nv know that deep within my heart lies alot of knots that are yet to be untied.. i am just waiting for the right guy to come along n tog we can untie all the knots buried within mi..

till then.. i just need a rest properly to recover from all the sickness i am having.. =)

ciaoz

whoo hoo.. i am at home now.. cos i will be on afternoon shift this whole week.. goodie isnt it.. hee.. but stil i woke up so early.. haha..

saturday i was feeling so so down at work after receiving his msg.. i just couldnt take it.. he actualli go look for other girls to upset mi.. i spoke to spenc abt this.. both of us feel the real reason is he just wan a companion.. such a jerk.. i really dont understand how can someone be so selfish.. he onli tot abt his own feelings.. have he ever tot of mine.. n worse.. tt girl...
i sat inside the toilet for some time.. n i broke down.. I really do feel hurt.. I went back n continued my testings.. Rebec said my eyes gave everything away.. she knows i am feeling veri sad..
anyway.. i stayed wif kk for ot... just the two of us.. n we did all the way till 830.. was so tiring..
I took a cab down to suntec to meet up wif them.. went to catch omen.. actualli the show was not bad.. but the ending realli sucks la hur..
went home after the show.. bcos my dad came home.. n the moment i reached home.. everything started again.. he n his nonsense.. his attitude.. we quarreled.. n i totalli dont give him face... bcos i feel he is really another bastard..
after the commotion.. i realli feel so sian.. really have the urge to call him.. but i told myself i should just let go le.. i dont wanna to be seen as too clingy..

Sunday was supposed to go east coast.. but upon reaching bedok it started to rain.. so went over to jr's hse instead.. dinner was at billy bomers.. the cheese fries was heaven lo! jitao yummi like hell.. haha..

went home n tok to spenc, rh..

i just feel that bcos of his previous r/s.. he had already develop a habit of lying.. yes, at the beginning i was quite unhappi when he keep going to chiong.. but tt was bcos there was no limit at all.. but in the end i told myself i should accept it bcos its part of his lifestyle... n yet, he chose to lie to mi again..

n after all this had happened.. he did not even gave mi a resonable explanation.. he just chose to run away n look for other girls.. i cant help thinking right from the start, mayb i was also another plan of his to upset clyn..

i cant help but to feel unfair.. why? bcos everything tt clyn had done to him... he did it on mi.. tempers just thrown anyhow.. impaitence coming out every now n then.. n the best part is i dont know wat the hell is on his mind.. bcos he just closes himself up...

I admit i do at times get unreasonable.. but when i got angry bcos of wat he did... he in turn got angry too without finding out wats the reason first.. n i have to hong him again.. doesnt tt sounds all so familiar? bcos tts wat it was all abt when he was wif clyn.. I am sorry i cant help comparing my r/s wif hers... bcos i feel he treated her a whole lot better than mi.. when everytime he keep saying how much he love mi more than her.. frens also noticed it.. i just find everything bullshit..
ppl are saying i have given him way too much chance.. he just dont know how to appreciate it...

Things are said n always not done.. he wans a girl to commit but yet he himself cant commit.. yes, i know he dote on mi alot.. but to be frank, i onli felt that its all materialized.. he buys mi things that i want.. i dont want tt to be habit.. bcos i dont wan him to think that the emotional needs can be compensated that way.. n true enough.. i realli dont feel close to him emotionally..

he makes mi feel so shallow n low class.. its like right from the start, he just refuses to acknowledge mi infront of the world.. bcos he is afraid of hurting his previous gf's feelings.. but wat abt mine? i am always on second priority..

n tell mi.. when i go over his place to acc him.. he just went out wif his frens n left mi at his place alone.. i seriously dont mind.. but how mani girls can take it.. not much i think.. i think i have alreadi done my part in maintaining the r/s... but all these takes two hands to clap.. i know no one can ever replace him in my heart.. so i am realli not willing to try a new r/s ever again..

secretly i realli hope he was the same old guy tt i fell for again..

i am feeling damn depressed, upset n fucked up now !!

i just feel he is a jerk and bastard..
really am disappointed..

Though i said i let go of everything.. but this is a super big impact on mi..

ppl said i have totally no feelings already..

n i sat down to think abt all this.. its truly tt way..

i dont why all these is happening to mi.. i realli feel like dying soon.. argh !

I ended everything once and for all.. i hate the feeling of being betrayed or cheated or lied or watever u call it.. things that are going on behind my back are finally seeing some light.. n he didnt even take the effort to explain..

i admit i realli stil do have feelings for him.. but at the same time.. i realli hate him for wat he did.. it just seems to mi that he did not even place this r/s of ours in his heart at all.. so i decided its time to end everything..

no draggy stuffs.. since he had alreadi moved on.. i guess i will too.. and i found out that its not as hard as it seems.. mayb cos i was too numb abt wat was going on betw us..

the past few weeks were realli veri fun.. mayb i am just trying to get myself occupied.. i have been out every single day.. returning home just to slp.. n i havent seen my mom for quite some time.. i just dont know how to ans her if she asks..

But i am getting on quite well.. to be honest i think its a long time i have ever felt so carefree and happi.. i love my job.. i love my colleagues.. i love my frens.. i love my mom.. in fact, i feel i am fortunate..

I definitely need some time to take a break n to forget him.. I know i will stil miss him some how or another.. but i just dont wish to see him ever again..

gonna start blogging normally.. no more of all those sad stuffs abt him.. everything shall be deleted away..

I just want to stay happy.. I want to be able to ogle at guys openly.. I want to be able to go dating with different guys.. I want to be able to have time for all my frens..

So no more of him.. or whatever guys tt come along..

I am tired !!! today my department head told mi that starting from next week i will go into the 2 shifts.. all the way till july then change to 3 shifts.. everything's so sudden.. i am kinda freaking out.. bcos i am stil not confident of my testings.. faintz...

yesterday did ot wif muang n kc till 630.. muang was asking mi abt my r/s.. really speechless i dont know how to tell him also.. he veri ji dan de lo !! whole day trying to scare mi.. siao..
After work took mrt wif kc, josephine n muang.. heard sth that was quite shocking.. bwg !!
went down to town to meet up wif jr, spencer n lingzi.. we went to watch xmen.. ok.. mayb cos i was too tired... i fell aslp during the movie.. so basically i just wasted my money la hur !

Today after work i went to check out the aerobics n kick-boxing class that joanne took.. n i so wanna join !! cos i just find the place so homely.. haha.. the ppl there are so friendly.. i wanna stay healthy.. haha..

Anyway, i am starting to get really irritated wif DL aka Dicky.. Can someone tell mi where got ppl as thick skin as him? go around telling ppl i am his gf.... n he can just pull mi into his arms just lidat.. so dotz !! I really started to scold him for no reason.. n i think i am mean to him la.. i really just gave him a straight no for everything he asked...

But i am stil damn irritated can ! grrr...

yeay yeay.. i am back wif updates.. i had a fun filled weekend.. hee..

Thursday
met up wif fang hui after work.. had dinner at subway! so yummilicious.. haha.. some chit chatting session with her.. toking abt uni, jobs..
after which we went shopping ! hehe.. i bought a new top..! hee..
its a great meet up session wif her..
girl.. we shall meet up more often k! hehe.. for shopping too! next week next week ! haha..

Friday
usual day at work.. wang told us we will be starting our shift work at the start of july.. thats like so fast ! so it only means i have only 1 mth to pick up everything.. but fret not! i am clever by nature.. so i can do it de ! haha.. =x
After work.. went over to rh's place and waited for wee n spencer.. we went wala wala for a drink.. n the chicken wings there are so so so yummilicious lo!! shit.. think at the rate i am going i am turning into a fatty pom pom liaoz..
Hanz came over to join us.. but i left rather early bcos i was really veri tired..

Saturday
Inital plan was to go sentosa wif az.. but was cancelled in the end.. so i pig thru out the day..
n i was supposed to go over to crist's place for his bday celebration.. end up also nv go.. cos my mom pulled mi out to the supermarket to help her wif the groceries.. by the time i reached home it was veri veri late le..
I went over to jerm's place.. supposingly to celebrate rh's bday.. but end up we were all playing xbox there.. haha...
i thrash everyone in the soulcalibur !! haha.. especially rh... 14 straight wins... li hai ba!! n the best thing is i win them just by using basic moves.. haha.. they play until bth..
then was drinking session.. but onli for awhile then we left le.. cos its alreadi morning liaoz..

Sunday
came home.. wanted to go running de.. suddenly in the mood for tt.. cos i think everytime when i am feeling veri down.. i just want to sweat myself out so i ko.. in the end i was too tired for it...
slept all the way till 5 plus 6 haha.. got woken up by jr asking mi to meet up for dinner...
but today i decided i shall be a good gal and acc my mom since she cooked my dinner le.. hee.. next week on.. think will do alot of ot liaoz.. booo....


somehow everything feels weird without him by my side.. i miss him alot.. i know in my heart.. no one can ever replace him..
i know he has moved on.. so i will be strong too.. i will move on.. even if it means i will miss him forever..

today is a super tiring day at work... standing all the way.. boo...

supposed to meet up wif rh n wee for a drink... but i was too tired... sorry ar.. lol.. i want my beauty slp... didnt have enough slp for the past few days...

zzzzzzzz...

I really wanna say a big thank you to az.. thanks alot my dear girl.. this morning when i saw her msg.. for the first time i smiled.. love ya! muacks..


today it was stil tt bad.. but i experienced sth that i nv tot i would face.. i think i am beginning to hate him.. mayb i just hate the way he dont reply to sms..i started to tell myself if he wanna disappear like that.. i would do the same.. i would even disappear from rh they all..
i know this is selfish.. but i dont know why i will react this way..


nvm abt that.. anyway today, something major happened at work.. mandy, our lab manager called for an urgent meeting.. she was mentioning abt the whole company's lab quality standards.. Suddenly, i start to question myself if i am really abiding by the quality results.. She said bcos of a small mistake made by a lab analyst, the company might lose one of its important clients.
If that happens, the lab analyst will have to bear full responsibilities for it and will get sacked..

and all a sudden, i just realised that i havent face such things in the past.. to be truthful i felt afraid.. welcome to the harsh realities of the working world.. faintz..

today muang n DL keep imitating mi.. the way i laugh.. the way i respond.. the way i look around.. they said i look so blur and the way i look around is like a squirrel.. qi si wo le.. n i got shoot by benjamin's rubber bands again!
tsk tsk.. i think i got myself into some trouble again.. somehow the feeling DL gave mi isnt veri nice hur.. he keeps calling mi his girlfren and is very touchy towards mi.. always trying to ask mi out n today he wanted to send mi home..
so after work.. i jitao ran away from him.. I m scared la.. just dont wanna get myself into this kind of shit again.. enough of this kind of crap..

i am really really really heartbroken..

lingzi msg mi and i seek her view.. it just did not feel better..

i tot i could be stronger but yet just the slightest memory made my heart ache that i nearly cried at work today..

i cried when i dragged my feet back home.. i must be stronger..

Kai Xin u are such a dumb arse.. u are so stupid.. why must u even cry for him.. Since he did not even reply u, mayb he dont even give a damn abt u... so stop thinking !!!! *slap*

sometimes i really wonder is it wrong to request that i need a rest in a r/s... why must he react tt way... to think i stil tot of how he would feel so i tried to make it not so hurting..

he can actualli say if thats the way i want it.. so be it lo..

i dont understand why he can change so much.. how can he say such a fucked up statement.. it just shows how much he heck care abt this r/s.. and if thats the case, i dont see why i keep trying to improve things..

yesterday i tot about everything.. i admit i stil feel the pain bcos i stil love him alot.. but i just dont know how can he change so much... i just feel that he really treated mi so unfairly..

why he used to treat his ex-gf so nicely... and for mi.. he just take things for granted...

sometimes i really wanna say it into his face that i am not his chu qi tong... he like it, he do wat he wan... he dont like it, he just flare up.. and i have been wondering to myself how mani times i for no reason, become the victim of his anger pangs again..

i always try to be understanding towards him.. bcos i know his work is veri stressful.. but i myself is facing stress at work.. whu the hell come listen to mi and comfort mi...

and i just realise... for the past few mths... the number of times he went out drinking wif his frens is much more than the number of times he went out wif mi... it seems to mi that his frens, his drinking, his clubbing everything else is so much more impt than mi..

i know right now.. he is stil very playful.. he stil wans to enjoy as much as he can.. i did not say much.. i just hope he has his own limits.. but it seems like he doesnt have it.. haiz..

since he cant put his heart into this r/s.. i think its only right i dont tie him down.. i want to leave wif beautiful memories in my heart..

i know i will miss him alot alot.. n i know in my heart i stil hope that one day he will go back to his old self and i stil wish that i will go back into his arms again...

There are many things i wish to buy.. due to the window shopping i had on last friday n saturday.. lol..

I wanna buy those puffed sleeves tee.. they look so cute..

I need to get more skirts and dresses..

I need to get watches bcos all my watches spoil le !!!

I need to get more normal jeans for my work..

I wanna get levis square fit jeans bcos mine got stained by the fuel oil during work.. argh !...

I wanna get the new levis lady jeans.. its so beautiful!

I wanna get more small and handy bags..

Lastly, i wanna get hold of N80 !

ok.. until i get hold of all of tt.. i will be broke by then.. lol..
anyway.. today's mc for mi.. ytd i went home in the mid afternoon cos i was feeling veri unwell.. my stupid boss stil so reluctant to let mi go.. faintz..

ytd night my temperature shot up to 39.4 degrees.. so i went to the doc for the second time.. and mayb bcos of the high temp.. my head feels veri heavy now..

He came over to acc mi to the doc.. After dinner, i watched "so u think u can dance" n he just fell aslp.. before he left.. he was complaining that its veri hot.. n his reaction wasnt veri nice.. i got alittle upset by it.. but i just kept quiet.. mainly bcos i wasnt feeling well and i desperately wanted to go to bed..

i had a real fun filled weekends... but then again.. i fell sick again.. and this time i really felt weak.. i was so afraid i wouldnt be able to go work tml.. i dont wanna take mc..

ok.. i cant rem wat i was doing from monday to wednesday.. think i met up wif him.. oh well.. thursday after work.. i went down to momo wif ahgong n gb.. been so long since i went to club.. it was fun.. but sickening at the same time bcos of some bloody guys.. n guess who i saw there..

him...

right.. i dont wanna mention the details anymore.. cos its really no point.. wat i dont understand is such a simple thing he cant even do.. and everything is back to square one again.. he looked very shock to see mi there.. a msg saying sorry was sent to mi.. i ought to be angry but i wasnt at all...

instead i was very hurt.. hurt so badly that it didnt matter to me anymore.. he sort of reach my max.. 1 more silly stuff.. everything will be gone..

i went home feeling so fucked up.. i began to think abt everything betw us.. from frens till now.. i have only one thing to say.. all guys are jerks.. when they are chasing after u.. they can treat u so good.. after all that.. they just dont give a damn..

friday i went sentosa with charlene.. was stil thinking if i should go.. bcos i was on standby.. anytime i could get call back to work.. but anyway i stil went.. i badly needed some break from my life..
after tt we went to meet hanz, puwen, spencer and hc at town..
we went to watch mi3 at the grand cathy!! yipee.. haha.. actually i was supposed to watch wif him.. but i just felt i should just heck care abt him le.. i really couldnt be bothered..

sat i went to work.. and my colleagues were like psycho-ing mi to go play mj wif them.. so dotz.. -_- i went to je swimming complex wif puwen after that.. supposingly got alot ppl de.. in the end only the 2 of us.. we tok abt everything.. but mostly on my problems..
at the end of day i was telling myself i shouldnt be so bad.. i should just forgive him.. so i went over his place despite the fact that i knew he will be working late..

i waited till 1 plus 2 am.. at that moment of time i was feverish already.. so i went to rest.. thru out the night.. i kept waking up to see if he's back.. and i just cant help but to think i am really damn stupid.. i keep questioning myself why am i caring so much for him.. i find myself saying its all not worth it anymore..

he came back at around 7 plus 8 in the morning.. telling mi he's veri tired from work and his stomach is not feeling well.. the first tot that came into my mind wasnt abt his well-being.. but whether i should believe in wat he said.. i really dont know.. should i trust him or not..

but i was really too sick to think abt all that.. i went back to slp.. went home early noon.. bcos at tt moment he really felt like a stranger to mi.. its so weird... nth mentioned abt thursday.. yes, he did explained on e sms.. but so wat.. just a few words can gain back my trust? i dont think so..

hmmm... mayb once i have fully recovered.. i will have to start thinking abt all these..

erm.. i dont know wat to blog about..
basically i have been working n working.. but its really alot of fun.. my colleagues really make mi forget all the worries weighing mi down.. and suddenly there, i am being so doted upon.. although they always bully mi.. but they also make sure i dont get into trouble.. ha!

i have nth much to update actually.. cos i dont know where to start from.. i think i should start worrying for my future.. e other time jr just analysed for mi the pro and cons of obtaining a degree.. i am stil thinking abt it.. but i know if i wanna continue my studies.. i will have to let go of something..

people change with time, dont they
and yet they cant see it for themself..

haiz..